Confessions of a former Axeman

[redacted]'s perspective on the pre-emptive strike on Twogypt: It was our fault

[I wanted to say that this all is written with love for the game. Being an axeman and seeing it all implode from the inside has been an amazing experience, and the passion of Cyclops and Applesauce were a great part of that.]

At the end of session 3, we had troubling reports. Our second in command, Applesauce, had overheard troubling remarks when she was in Twogypt's base. Twogypt was at this point collecting diamonds, and the moment they were obtained they would attack the Axes. Their goal was to wipe us out. Our only crime? Being behind in development.
Hearing this, I was shocked. Twogypt had been my first home. I had followed our Pharaoh, Player 17, across the desert towards the promised land. And once there, I spend three days on one heart, fishing over 30 fish, so our Pharaoh could feed us all. Then without warning, I had fallen to a phantom, and I became lost at spawn. There, together with other lost people, we ran into Cyclops, the leader of what later would be known as the Axes (or the Seamen). He led us back to Applesauce in their original skybase, from which this nation had grown.
As Applesauce finished with the bad news, she also had good news. Twogypt might be planning a strike, but they are unorganised. She said that they had been easily infiltrated without them realising . Thus, she and Cyclops formed a plan. A small strike team would be send to take out some farmers, returning with all their iron gear before they could react. With this gear everyone would attack Twogypt, destroying them before they could destroy us. "And remember," Cyclops said, "only during the second attack will we call our battle cry SEA MEN!" Then the session ended, and I waited anxiously for the attack that would surely happen.

Then session 4 began, and Cyclops was panicking. He had come to know that Twogypt would be attacking immediately. He ordered everyone to begin preparing for the incoming attack. And here began our inevitable demise. Cyclops and Applesauce seemed to have little understanding of what the actual state of our resources were, starting to give out orders that could not be followed. I, our only level 2 blacksmith, was first asked to create more armour sets. SETS? We didn't even have enough iron for pants. But before I could communicate that, I was ordered to make arrows. For which we did not have feathers or flint, since no one bothered to make the chicken farm, and gravel had never been a priority. I tried to explain, but then we were ordered to be quiet, otherwise Cyclops couldn't give out commands. It was at this point, that thoughts of saving my own skin began creeping through my mind.

Then, in his infinite wisdom, our leader set out to still try the original plan. Attack Twogypt before they were ready to get their Iron gear... Whilst they were actively organising to attack us. I immediately thought that was folly, but hesitated to object. Maybe they knew more themthan me. Applesauce had seen their base, had seen the disorder it was all in. I hadn't left base since session 2. She must have known something I didn't, right. So I stayed quiet, as three people went out: Our lone guardsman, our second in command Applesauce and our leader and only healer Cyclops. We didn't hear a thing for ten minutes, when only the lone guardsman returned. Our leaders where dead, and there was no gear to return with.

Immediately, a paralysing panic arose within the Axes. Some were shouting about dying to last man. But I though why waste the blacksmithing xp on dying for leaders who attacked first. Because why had Applesauce been inside Twogypt's base? To steal all their sugarcane. Like she had done with so many small civilisations around us. Attacking often, returning with tons of food, iron and sugarcane, all which was used to craft more armour and more weapons. She was even brazen enough to go out without food, because there were many nearby civs to steal from. And Cyclops, the man with great visions, only seemed to see the future he wanted, and not the reality of our situation as it was now. Spending time on envisioning multi floor bases with defences, implementing specific government structure, and getting into the sugarcane trading business, before we even had a single farmer at level 1. No, I gave up on the Axes, and began planning my exit strategy.

Having a high blacksmith level would hopefully ingratiate me with whoever I joined. But just in case that wasn't enough, I also collected some valuable things from the storage. With some consideration for the people I would leave behind, I decided not to take anything that could be used for rebuilding. But we did have some high end items we never had a chance to use. Enchanted books, lily pads for perfect sugarcane farms and fished up enchanted tools that need repairing with an anvil. And whilst I was doing that, I noticed the cherry on the cake. The armour I had crafted? It was still in the output chest. So I guess I had made it for myself in the end. Then Applesauce respawned and ordered us to get a new healer so we could fight on. Admitting defeat so the Axes would continue to exist didn't seem to be an option. We were maybe 10% towards a second healer, for which a random person was volunteered, when Twogypt showed up at our door.

The shouting was intense. Panicked screaming from the Axes, as our entrance somehow had been opened again letting the Twogyptian's immediately through. They shouted to go for the sugarcane, as they only wanted an eye for an eye. I did not stand in their way, waiting in the storage room, still conflicted if I should defend our loot, when a Twogyptian attacker came in. I made my decision, and jumped into the water. A few moments later the Twogyptian's proclaimed victory, having killed the poor sod who was made a healer. Than they began gathering to leave home. In that moment, I suddenly realised that if they left, I might not find my way to Twogypt. I needed to stay close, but somehow not get detected. Then I got struck by a sword.

I had lost half my health, as the Twogyptian from which I had jumped away was also in the water. But he did not strike through, but asked: "Who are you! On whose side are you fighting!" In my confusion I remained speechless, as I tried to swim away, to one of the many boats near the coast. But this boat was stuck into the corner. I had to turn around, staying in place where the Twogyptian could easily kill me. Yet somehow... I lived. I was allowed to boat away, as the attacker took his own boat to return to his comrades. It isn't until I write this that I realised the iron armour saved me. Not because it gave me better protection, but because I was the only person with iron armour from the axes. Every single other piece had been lost. So the attackers had an easy time. Everyone in iron was Twogyptian, everyone not an enemy. And that simple rule, allowed me to merge within the group as they boated toward Twogypt.

In silence I remained within the fleet, listening them boast about how much easier it went then they had thought. They had been surprised with how little armour the Axemen had. As they talked, I realised my plan was working, and I was filled with excitement and dread. I was returning to my original home, but would they accept me. Then Twogypt came into view. I had had no context for whether we were doing well. But we had been nothing compared to Twogypt. There was an actual wall, protecting large fields of wheat, with farmers managing them. Pits full of animals, with no worry for starvation. And everyone was wearing iron armour.

We reached the shore, where Player 17 was waiting. Seeing him still being the Pharaohof Twogypt gave me an odd feeling. Like that things were still right in the world. With how Cyclops and Applesauce had described Twogypt, I had been saddened that my first home might not really exist any more. But seeing Player 17 listen as the attackers described their success in battle, I knew he was still the same leader who had created the food lines in session 1. And now, he immediately went over to ask about peoples health. It was still his job to give out food, but now the food blessed by their healer. The group retreated to the skybase, and I was filled with nostalgia that everything I remember was still there.

Player 17 gave out the blessed food to all that were hurt. I could remain incognito, trying to keep blending in forever. But sooner or later I would fall through, as I didn't know how Twogypt was run. So when Player 17 asked again if anyone needed health, I spoke up. He looked at me, and asked confused: "Did you go out to fight the Axes?"

"So... uh... funny story..." I told everything. I agreed with him that we had been at fault for the war, and that I would love to join their side. Some of the Twogyptians seemed to distrust me. So I played my cards immediately, and gave all our enchantment books. Player 17 was impressed, and allowed me to return. I placed my new bed, and was back to the Twogyptians!

Now I could continue in detail, but I'll keep it to only one relevant episode: Cyclops' surrender. After a night, Cyclops and one other Axeman approached Twogypt to admit that the Axes had been defeated. I knew he could easily recognise me, so I stayed back as Player 17 began talking. There was not much headway in this conversation, as Cyclops remained adamant that Twogypt wanted to attack first for no reason, whilst Player 17 wanted that he admitted to taking the sugarcane. Eventually Cyclops admitted that there had been unfortunate miscommunications that led to this conflict, and that bygones would be bygones. Then thinks get murky, with no one really agreeing on what happened next. Cyclops has his own version on the wiki, but the Twogypt story is that this other Axeman began attacking people. There was a lot of commotion, and seemingly two Twogyptians were downed, as Cyclops and the Axeman tried to escape. But Cyclops was chased down and killed, and the Axemen died because he tried to combat log them.

Soon after this, the Axes were disbanded. With this news, I now feel free to tell my story.

I hope I did not break any rules by posting this.